Living with Pan

I want to wake up in this life – means that I want to be alive totally without any limitation, free from everything that has been put in my mind and kept by my fearful I, which keeps me in a sleep.

Pan functions like an alarm clock, he reminds me on my true self, that I-less, blissful space beyond mind, here and now.

I can only hear the bell ringing when I am available, open, not busy in my mind.

In the mind I am deaf, blind, stupid, dull and a real meeting with Pan, with existence, with myself is not possible.

Lately that state feels for my heart like an icy isolation, non existing and unbearable, unfortunately I learned to bear the unbearable. Only feeling, crying, sinking in my body, heart brings me out of it. And then I can feel that I love Pan and myself and this mysterious life. As far as I know what love is. Maybe I can express it better like a feeling of togetherness, a fine, warm flow, a knowing behind the mind – a silence that is always there, carrying me and all.

Pan now has put the house full with written messages, wake ups. The challenge is to be a Pan, a wake up onto myself, reminding me for what I am here, what I really want. What is a real wake up for me is the reminding that I am the only one responsible for what I do, feel, think. With this I can remind myself and turn my energy in a click. Taking responsibility is real magic.

Heaven and Hell, it's up to me.

Geetha